There isn't a day where I can be happy when I'm at home.
My mother is just indescribable.
And I can't stand her.
She's so full of emotions that I am at a loss at many times of the day.
And sometimes, it's just over trivial things.
I told her that I want to stop attending my private Erhu lessons from next year onwards, because I want to focus more on my studies.
Yet, she says she wants to leave home.
HELLO?! I am not giving up, because in school I still play the Erhu!
It's not like I have gave up on it and am totally not learning anything right?
Then, she goes blabbering on and on about me wasting money and efforts on the Erhu due to transportation fees, the Erhu lesson fees, and the Erhu.
I know I have used up a lot of money, however, someone wants to buy my Erhu with $1650 which is $150 more than the original price that we had paid.
And, I didn't waste anything because I had already gone for my Erhu Grade 6 exam and I had already passed!
Also, sometimes stopping or giving up something is the start of something new.
I already had no more interests in Erhu but I am still learning it!
It is so painful to do something that you don't want too, and furthermore I'm sort of being forced.
She says that she wants to leave home because I stop learning the Erhu, and to stop her from leaving, I've got to keep attending the Erhu lessons!
I'm being forced!
I cannot stand it anymore! It hurts so much that I'm going to be numb very soon.
We just happen to have different perspective on things.
AND IT HURTS.

2:17 PM sprinklinq love Y

My streaming results was a total nightmare.
I got into 3LY, the third last class, with a combination of Physics-Chemistry and E Hist and pure E Lit.
I appealed, and yet I failed.
I was having nightmares about my streaming when I was in Suzhou,
and after appealing, I had nightmares last night.
I dreamt that my appeal was a success and I managed to get into triple science and e geography.
Of course, that was a dream.
Everything in the real world is the opposite.
I woke up in the middle of the dream, and i had this bad feeling that my appeal was going to fail.
And I was right.
All my dreams are the exact opposite of the real world.
And now I regret.
I did not focus on my studies and instead I read mangas and watch animes.
Then, I did not score well in the EOY, this is what I get in return.
For the very first time in my life,
I really felt guilty for not studying.
My dad works so hard at work to earn money, my mom does everything she can to take care of me, and yet I don't even do well in my exams...
I... I suddenly feel so sad, so guilty that I cannot even let my parents be happy for once.
I didn't even make myself happy in the first place...
When my dad sms-ed me my streaming results, I cried.
And I cried for the second time after I knew that my appeal failed.
I suddenly feel so empty, so useless...
我就有如一个废物，什么都做不了，情绪非常低落。
我是真的第一次感到如此内疚，因为父母含辛茹苦地把我养大，我却没有好好读书。
Damn everything!
I studied so hard for physics yet I didnt manage to even get an A1.
I am so useless.
What's so good about Maths?
I scored 90 in EOY and yet it isn't taken into consideration during streaming.
Seriously, I feel like ending my life.
It is so meaningless for me to live on like this...
I want to become a singer, yet I didnt even manage to even clinch a third place in Talentime.
There is nothing that goes along with me.
I feel so emotional right now.
I want to die. How does it feel like to die? Will dying end my pains?
Yes, it is stupid and foolish, yet I want to give it a try.
Now, I really want a boyfriend.
Someone that I can rely on, someone that I love and also loves me.
When will I find him? Where will I find him?
I'm desperate. Really desperate.
Now I'm lost.

6:11 PM sprinklinq love Y

Welcome to those-smiling-stars.blogspot.com
Love is like a river,
will cut a new path;
whenever it meets an obstacle.
-Crystal Middlemas-

初めまして
私はキズコーです
今は十四歳　図画は好きです
でも一寸スラック
よるしくお願いします!
Wei Feng
A.k.a Fiona
24/05/95
CHONGFUCCHMS
Gemini
yeah_love_rox@hotmail.com
l0ve-d

♥Everlastiinq Lollipops
♥SUPER JUNIOR!!!
♥SHINee!!
♥S.H.E!!
♥All TRUE friends
Loves to sing
Loves CO
Loves Florence Twinny
Loves Ivy & YanLing Roommates!
Loves Justoo!
Loves Yong Xin and EN EN!!!
Loves MinYi and Sharon

MYSELF
NOTHING
NOBODY
☺


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